My ex-career as a muslimah

Fringe Benefits – Original February 28, 2011

Filed under: Fringe Benefits — evebitestheapple @ 2:06 pm

Since leaving the deen, I started having little epiphanies of things I can now do. One of the characteristics of a cult:

“The leadership dictates, sometimes in great detail, how members should think, act, and feel”

This could not be more true of Islam. Every flipping detail of the Muslims life is dictated by Quran and Sunnah. From waking to sleeping to everything in between, there is a ritual derived from ayat-ul-Quran, hadith, and fatawa that guides the life of the Muslim.

Everything in the universe is based on order and chaos. All systems seek out order even the most seemingly random acts. If a system is chaotic, it will magnetize or gravitate to a system of order in an effort to correct itself or balance itself. This is why I think Islam initially appeals to so many converts. The bulk of convert stories start with a person whose life is chaotic and they found the “beauty of Islam” that helped them get on the right path. With all Islam’s rules and regulations, a person is pulled in because their life is out of whack and they are trying to find something to help them regain order in their life. This may not be true of every convert story but an overwhelming majority of converts fit the bill.

In the beginning, all the rituals and explicit details to life just seemed right. I felt superior being Muslim because I had a book that laid out every aspect of life. But as time passed, those once coveted rituals became a bane in my life. What was once heralded as magnificent became a pain in the ass to keep up with. Knowing what I know about cults now, those ritualistic practices were not put in place to aid the Muslim to clarity. They were put in place to control the minds of the people of 7th century Arabia.

I say this because I have turned over(and over and over) in my mind how I could have possibly fallen for such nonsense. I’ve found myself overjoyed at being able to return to doing some of the smallest things, things that most people would not think twice about but for the Muslim can cause alot of guilt and damnation to Hellfire.

So I will start my Fringe Benefits series which is a series dedicated to all the little epiphanies of things I can do now without fear of burning in Hell, guilt from not upholding the teachings, and shame of being a bad Muslim. These revelations are the fringe benefits of my apostacy.


Boy meets girl – J1

Filed under: Journey — evebitestheapple @ 3:24 am

Somehow a birthday, an Indian man, and a date turned into a not-far-from-forty year old woman writing about her choice to abandon Islam.


In April 1996 a few days shy of being 23 years of age, I met an Indian man whose name was P****. I always thought it funny that his name was P**** because he certainly didn’t look like a P****. He owned the local convenience store and somehow we got on the subject of my birthday and a short time later we were on a date.

I didn’t know much about the peoples of India nor did I know any Indian people other than a boy that worked with me at a pizza joint during my high school years. I thought P**** was cute and he seemed nice. I wasn’t in the market for a boyfriend but was open to the right person, so on the date we went. (more…)


Losing my religion February 27, 2011

Filed under: Random — evebitestheapple @ 8:38 am

Hi, my name is ******.

In February of 1997, I sat in a classroom of an old school building in a metro-city in the south.  This old school building served as a makeshift masjid for local Muslims. On that bright Sunday afternoon, with a neck full of hickies, I excitedly listened to lessons about Islam with several other young women. At the end of the class I was certain there was only one God worthy of worship. I was not so sure Muhammad was His messenger but I ardently wanted to believe.  So in February of 1997 I utttered the words ‘La illaha ilallah, Muhammadan Ar-Rasooloolah’ and embraced Deen-ul-Islam.

In February 2011, fourteen years later, I denounced Islam. With shaky knees, I jumped off the cliff and plunged into the abyss of the unknown by loudly proclaiming(in my bedroom of course) that I no longer believe Muhammad is the messenger of Allah.

Theses writings are my chronicles through my career as a Muslim and my journey forward as I soar out of the abyss and fly high back into the exciting world of possibility.