My, my, my, how time flies when you’ve dumped Islam in favor of having a life…
I had a three week break from the kiddos and even though I had planned to spend some of that time blogging I actually used it to recharge, finish purging Islam from my system, and reorganizing my priorities. It’s hard to believe its been almost six months since I apostated from Islam. Learning to live life without that Great Security Blanket in the Sky has been shaky but a wonderful feeling to know it can be done. Living without a god is like learning to ride a bike without the training wheels. It’s scary at first but man oh man, once you get the hang of it you never want to go back.
Right now I am walking a fine line between atheism and pantheism with my hand on the doorknob of atheism. While I no longer believe there is some Grand Wizard sitting in the heavens waving His magic wand and ordering things to “BE – and it is”, I still think there is more to human life than just the body. So I don’t know if believing this theory tosses me out of the atheist camp. It would be too bad because being atheist can get some pretty cool stuff done like getting a Jehovah’s Witness off your doorstep in the wink of an eye. A bible-thumper came to my door a couple of weeks ago ready to save my soul. I told her I am an atheist. The only other thing that makes a person stammer and lose their cool the way she did is the niqab. Being atheist is the new jilbab.
So being a free-thinking humanist works well for me. It’s allowed to me fully reorganize my life based on logic, reason, and rationale and not blind faith in utter foolishness. I don’t believe in heaven or hell, ghouls or goblins but that there are a handful of laws and rights that are applicable to everyone and the universe. Adopting this lifestyle means I’ve chosen to become a full-time fruitarian and vegan, something that is hard to do when you follow a religion and God(and His prophets) say it’s okay to murder animals. I’m switching my kids to a vegetarian diet and will work to take them to vegan level in the coming years. It is a process, one that has been taking away from some of my time.
I’ve also been exercising trying to get myself back in shape and back in the gym. I’ve been interested in bodybuilding and figure competitions for over a year and now I have the opportunity to enter if I choose to. I love being able to come and go as I please, no more asking a man’s permission to leave the house. I love being able to achieve as much as I want, see who I want, have sex with who I want, abstain if I want and so many other things that you can’t do with guilt-ridden religions. Freedom really sank in and resonated with me this past July 4th as so many people are denied basic rights and basic freedoms because of religion especially Islam.
I have also been SLEEPING! Oh joy to not panic about the early Fajr prayers and the late Isha’s, to not have to plan my days around prayers, to not have to worry about Tahajjud and all that other late-nite crap that is nothing more than moon-worship. It has taken a few months to break the habits of reaching for a khimar, or saying Bismillah, or thinking that I am supposed to wake up to do something. Muslims call these habits fitrah when it is really indoctrination. Instead I have been working a creating a schedule that works for my kids and I and one that is tailored to human nature and our goals.
Even still, I plan to finish my journey on this blog although I decided to put myself on a writing schedule and pace myself. I am no longer in that dark, lonely place of apostasy that I was in February. I have since dusted myself off and started walking again, leaving behind the old and crazy beliefs heading towards new and exciting. The coming months should be interesting to see how my kids lives shape out as my their father tries to save them from “the Hell whose fuel is men and stones(Quran 66:6)”. May commonsense prevail.